Everything I know about supporting grief

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Sometimes we need to put words to it - with someone trained to hold them.

• CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) - works with thought patterns and behaviors
• ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) - builds psychological flexibility around difficult emotions
• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) - processes traumatic memories through bilateral stimulation
• Complicated Grief Therapy (CGT) - specifically designed for prolonged or complicated grief
• Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) - combines cognitive therapy with mindfulness practices
• DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) - builds distress tolerance and emotional regulation skills
• Narrative Therapy - helps you re-author the story of your loss and your life
• Psychodynamic Therapy - explores how the past shapes present grief
• Person-Centered Therapy - rooted in unconditional positive regard and deep listening
• Grief-Informed Therapy - any therapeutic approach that centers the grief experience
• Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD) treatment - evidence-based protocols for grief that has become debilitating
• Internal Family Systems (IFS) - works with different “parts” of self, including the part that is grieving
• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) - often used with couples navigating loss together
• Play Therapy - for children who grieve through doing, not talking
• Sand Tray Therapy - uses symbolic, tactile play to express what words can’t reach
• One-on-one grief counseling - focused, individualized support from a trained counselor
• Group grief therapy - professionally facilitated, therapeutic group work

You don’t have to be an artist. You just have to be willing to make something.

• Art therapy - therapeutic use of visual art with a trained art therapist
• Journaling and reflective writing - one of the most accessible grief tools we have
• Poetry writing - saying the unsayable in a form that welcomes incompleteness
• Letter writing to the person who died - one of the most profound things I know
• Memoir writing - telling the whole story, at your own pace
• Scrapbooking and memory keeping - honoring a life through images, objects, and moments
• Collage - cutting and assembling as a way of making meaning
• Painting - color and mark-making as emotional language
• Drawing - doesn’t require skill; requires only willingness
• Sculpture/clay work - something about shaping with your hands reaches grief differently
• Music therapy - therapeutic use of music with a trained music therapist
• Playing an instrument - even badly; even for five minutes
• Songwriting - many grievers find their voice this way
• Listening to music intentionally - a playlist built for grief is a form of care
• Dance and movement - letting the body say what the mind can’t
• Theater/drama therapy - using story, role, and enactment to process experience
• Photography - turning your eye toward beauty, memory, or meaning
• Quilting or fiber arts - repetitive, hands-on, and surprisingly therapeutic
• Cooking and food as ritual - making someone’s recipe; feeding others; feeding yourself

For the questions grief asks that don’t have easy answers.

• Prayer - whatever that looks like for you; it doesn’t have to be formal
• Ritual and ceremony - marking what matters; honoring what has changed
• Creating altars or memory spaces - a physical place to turn toward your person
• Visiting meaningful places - somewhere they loved, somewhere you loved together
• Lighting candles - small, embodied act of remembrance
• Reading sacred texts - or poetry, or anything that holds you
• Spiritual direction - one-on-one companionship for the spiritual dimensions of grief
• Connecting with the continuing bond of the deceased - the relationship doesn’t end; it changes
• Legacy projects - carrying their values, passions, or name forward in the world
• Legacy letters - writing what you want them to know, what you want others to know
• Planting trees or gardens in memory - life growing from loss
• Memorial tattoos - wearing your love on your body
• Exploring what you believe about death and what comes after - grief often opens these questions; they deserve real attention
• Finding a faith or spiritual community - belonging to something larger than yourself
• 12-step communities - for grief compounded by addiction, or simply for the communal spiritual structure
• Working with a chaplain or pastoral counselor - spiritual care for non-religious and religious alike

We are not meant to grieve alone. Full stop.

• Grief support groups (in-person and online) - the relief of being in a room with people who understand
• Bereaved parent groups - loss-specific; uniquely essential
• Loss-specific communities - pregnancy loss, suicide loss, pet loss, overdose loss, sudden loss - there are communities for each
• One-on-one grief companionship - a trained or experienced companion who simply walks alongside you
• Death Cafes - informal, community gatherings to talk openly about death and dying
• Befriending others who are grieving - sometimes the most healing thing is giving and receiving in equal measure
• Sharing stories with family - honoring the person by keeping their story alive together
• Creating rituals with others - annual remembrances, shared practices, family traditions
• Online grief communities - accessible at 2am when nothing else is
• Grief retreats and workshops - immersive, sometimes transformative community experiences
• Mentorship from someone further along in grief - not someone who’s “over it” - someone who’s learned to carry it

Knowing what kinds of help exist - and that it’s okay to need them.

• Grief therapist - a mental health professional with specialized grief training
• Psychologist - comprehensive psychological support, including assessment
• Psychiatrist - medical evaluation and medication support when grief intersects with clinical depression or anxiety
• Hospice and palliative care social workers - often available even after the death; underused and deeply skilled
• Hospital chaplains - trained spiritual care providers; non-denominational and available to anyone
• Grief coaches - support focused on navigating daily life in grief; not therapy, but valuable
• Death doulas - end-of-life guides; also support the bereaved
• Bereavement coordinators - found in hospices, hospitals, and community organizations
• Online therapy platforms - access to licensed therapists without geographic barriers
• Crisis lines and warmlines - for the hardest moments; 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) is available 24/7

I know this list is a lot. And I know that when you’re in the thick of grief, even a list of good things can feel overwhelming.

So here’s what I want you to hear: you don’t have to do any of this perfectly. You don’t have to work through every category or find the “right” modality or figure it all out at once. Some of these will feel completely irrelevant to you. Some might feel out of reach right now. And maybe one or two will feel like - oh, that. That might be something.

That’s enough. That’s actually the whole point.

We are all just finding our way through something that doesn’t come with a map. I’m right here in it with you - still trying things, still learning, still figuring out what helps. This list exists because I wish someone had handed it to me earlier. I’m handing it to you now.

Your grief deserves tending. In whatever way you can manage, in whatever season you’re in.